12 Fish with the Weirdest Teeth

12 Fish with the Weirdest Teeth

12. Titan-Triggerfish

The Titan-Triggerfish is a tropical terror with a mouthful of eerily human chompers that will leave you scrambling for the shore. These fish grow up to two and a half feet long, or the size of your average toddler, and they take home security really seriously.

Titan-Triggerfish are insanely territorial, especially during mating season, and pose a massive threat to any humans who innocently stray across their paths.

Since these fish populate much of the Indo-Pacific ocean, spanning from the Maldives to Australia and hanging out at popular coral reefs, it’s easy to tangle with the Titan-Triggerfish.

This fierce fish has been known to swim right up to snorkelers and divers, ripping into their fins and even biting off human ears in extreme circumstances.

Although Titan-Triggerfish are rarely lethal, their strong teeth can slice through wetsuits and do some permanent damage.

11. Pacu

Pacus, or “Ball Cutter Fish,” are the toothy Amazonian terrors that might be coming to a lake or pond near you. Recently, these fish have been spotted as far north as New Jersey, flashing their not-so-pearly whites and getting local conservationists more than a little concerned, because their nickname is more than just a cute moniker.

These fish will cut your balls off, and they have the equipment to do so. Pacus are so nasty that they’ve been rumored to best juvenile crocodiles in their native Amazonian home, so there’s no way that your tender bits stand a chance.

Although Pacus don’t seek out humans to attack…generally… they can get aggressive if you wander into their territory, and since these fish are the weight of your average bulldog and have a ferocious bite strength to boot, it’s best to stay out of their way.

10. Anglerfish

Also known as “Sea Devils,” Anglerfish are textbook terrors with cavernous maws capable of swallowing fish their own size. These bottom-dwellers don’t bother chewing food properly; they just spear the catch of the day on their massive fangs and suck the unfortunate creature straight into their gullet.

Although Anglerfish have arguably some of the weirdest teeth in the seven seas, they have another trick up their sleeve that makes their lure almost impossible to resist- literally.

Anglerfish woo their prey with a glowing light that dangles right in front of their massive mouths. At just over three feet long, they are roughly the size of a child’s bicycle and are deadly assassins. They also make delicious dinner entrees.

If you’ve eaten monkfish at a restaurant, you’ve snacked on Anglerfish. Number 9: Payara Payara are another Amazonian nightmare, apex predators that also go by the name “Vampire Fish” for their horrific fangs.

These skilled hunters love stalking and killing prey that’s at least their size, and they succeed with one simple evolutionary advantage; massive fangs.

Payara’s fangs can grow up to six inches long, or the length of six paperclips laid end to end. Unfortunately for their doomed prey, you don’t see these terrible teeth until you’re about to get skewered. They keep them tucked close in their jaws until the last second.

Payaras are the ultimate masters of disguise, and they resemble salmon from afar, making them stealth killers with the weirdest and wickedest teeth in the Amazon.

8. Sheepshead Fish

This Floridian fish has rows of crushing teeth that they use to pulverize shellfish and crustaceans, but that’s not what sets it apart from the pack.

What makes the Sheepshead Fish so creepy is that their teeth are oddly human, down to the molars, incisors, and grinders. The only distinct difference is that unlike humans who have just one row of pearly whites, Sheepshead Fish have several rows, the better to mash up their prey.

Known also as “Convict Fish” for their black and silver patterned bodies, Sheepshead Fish can weigh as much as a small dog, nearly 20 pounds, making them one of the weirdest coastal fish in the world. Only in Florida!

7. Atlantic Wolffish

The Atlantic Wolffish’s epic overbite earns it a top spot on this list. In addition to a totally badass name, the Atlantic Wolffish has sharp jaws that can slice and skewer like nobody’s business.

This ferocious fish is also known as the Seawolf, Devil Fish, and for some reason- the Sea Cat- but no matter what you call it, tangle with this fish, and the result will be the same. They will stick you with the pointy end of their terrible teeth.

Atlantic Wolfish live all over the Atlantic Ocean and are predominately coastal dwellers. Their blueish hue is actually due to an evolutionary perk that allows the Atlantic Wolffish to create its own version of antifreeze, keeping the toothy fish warm when the water gets cooler.

6. Queensland Grouper

Queensland Groupers can swell up to 900 pounds, or roughly the size of your average Polar Bear, and these big ‘uns from down under are as long as Christmas trees are tall, making them true terrors of the deep by sheer size alone, but we’re just getting started.

Although the Queensland Grouper doesn’t sport huge fangs like other fish on our list, their tiny needle-like teeth are razor-sharp and can puncture nearly anything. For context, these Australian behemoths even go after sharks, ripping into the apex predators with their needle-filled mouths.

5. Frilled Shark

Frilled Sharks are ancient beasts that can trace their lineage back to the Jurassic Period, and if you’re wondering why they have been trawling the seas since the dinosaur days, just take a look at their teeth. Frilled Sharks have hideous mouths jammed full of 300 backward-facing barbs capable of sucking prey straight into their maws and slicing into it from the other side.

With terrible teeth like that, there’s literally no escaping this aquatic monster. In a cruel twist, Frilled Sharks might even use their toothy grins to tempt prey into swimming a bit closer.

These animals are murky grey, but their teeth are bright white, and just like an Anglerfish’s lure, Frilled Sharks can use them to draw in their dinners.

4. Sarcastic Fringehead

The Sarcastic Fringehead is the funny little name for this aggressive, territorial, and dangerous fish. These animals lurk in reefs and coastal regions around California and Baja California, and they might seem cute and colorful at first, until you cross them.

Sarcastic Fringeheads can hyperextend their mouths, fanning out their jaws on either side and creating a vast, suctioned void full of sharp teeth.

It simply envelopes its prey in its humongous mouth, slicing into it with sharp teeth when it wants to feed. Sarcastic Fringeheads don’t fear fish or humans and will chase either away from their territory. They are also voracious eaters, known for taking on animals far bigger than they are.

Some Sarcastic Fringeheads even go after Octopuses, making this one fish you don’t want to tangle with.  3. Dragonfish

Dragonfish are tiny terrors, also known as “Sea Moths,” but their terrible teeth will give you nightmares for months. They live in the chilly reaches of our oceans, where they lure prey from the inky depths with a deep-sea trick employed by many apex predators; a glowing light.

Like their larger cousins, the Anglerfish, Dragonfish woo their prey with a tiny light attached to their jaws and then gobble them up with fangs roughly a quarter of the size of their bodies.

Since Dragonfish are only six inches long or the size of a pair of scissors, they might not inspire the kind of terror that Anglerfish do, but these tiny monsters are still nothing to tangle with, and their jaws could certainly slice through a human finger with no problem at all.

2. Lamprey While Lampreys aren’t exactly fish

They’re technically parasites, these creatures have one of the most horrific mouths in the world, and they belong on our list for sure. Lampreys are an invasive species, and their lineage stretches back to the days of the dinosaurs.

They’ve been around a lot longer than we have, and they will almost certainly be around long after humans have left the planet. One of the reasons why Lampreys are so hardy, is that they can live virtually anywhere, from freshwater to saltwater.

Not only can Lampreys make their home in almost any wet region on earth, but they also thrive there, multiplying and taking over. Lampreys have been known to climb waterfalls in their endless quest to infiltrate all corners of the planet, which is terrible news for us, because Lampreys are uniquely horrible creatures with a gruesome set of teeth and a mouth full of suckers, ready to latch on, pierce the skin, and suck out our blood.

Not to mention, Lampreys also have a barbed tongue. These invasive bloodsuckers fear nothing, and they have a serious travel bug, so watch out next time you’re swimming.

1. Goblin Shark

Goblin Sharks are the nightmare unicorns of the sea, with huge prehistoric protuberances on their snouts and raw-looking skin that gives it the nickname “The Living Fossil.” These sharks are the stuff of legend, and more than likely prompted some maritime horror stories and sea monster tales.

These swimming terrors can span up to 20 feet long, or the size of a small school bus, and they live worldwide. We don’t know much more about these elusive ancient animals, except for the fact that they lurk in the murky depths of our seas, smelling out electrical vibrations and waiting for prey to come to it.

When their meal tickets arrive, the Goblin Shark springs into action, extending and snapping open its enormous jaw and crushing their prey with rows and rows of needle-sharp teeth. The Goblin Shark skewers and swallows its victims before retreating to the depths.

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